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By Andrew T. Finger on April 6th, 2008
The world loves a good evil genius; Stewie, Mr. Burns, and our current president to name a few. Well, maybe not that last one but you get the point. There’s something about giving into our baser instincts – the young sadistic child inside all of us that wants to stomp all over that model village and live out our Godzilla fantasies. Considering that it isn’t socially acceptable to go wreak general havoc on the world at large (yet...), that’s why we root for the bad guy. It’s with this idea in mind that I was happy to welcome Crypto and Pox back for their third outing of wanton death and destruction in Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed. I knew I’d be happy to see them unless something terrible happened in the translation to Wii. Which isn’t at all possible, right? It was a joyous reunion at first with that Jack Nicholson/alien-who-killed-Jack Nicholson-in-Mars Attacks!-love-child. I turned on my Wii and was treated to the same characteristic dark humor and tongue-in-cheek references to the industry at large. The new storyline was developed with the same camp that I had grown to love over the two prior installments... and then I finally got to play. Shock, horror, and crappy visuals! The once unique and stylized look of the game did not hold up well in transition to Wii. The framerate struggles along at 30 FPS in its best moments and object pop in happens so close to the player that it consistently lifted me out of the moment. I faltered, trying to take solace in some good old fashioned destruction. Now, the vehicles are great. I can waste away many a mission hovering about in my UFO using the tractor beam to throw semis at crowds of unsuspecting people. I enjoy the times with coverboy Big Willy (fast food icon turned giant mech); just letting it all hang out as I repeatedly smash things or use flatulence for a different goal besides low brow punch-lines.
"Shock, horror, and crappy visuals!"
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The classic Crypto missions, however, have just hit puberty, and that awkward growth spurt means they just don’t function in the same way. The levels are tedious and the fetch quests frequent (to the point that it becomes a running in game joke). The new weapons like the Zombie gun are a lot of fun, but the IR functionality isn’t quite there and it seems like it’s been done better on other, more traditional systems. The new target mini-game allows you to possess a human host for quest specific needs and a choose-your-sensitivity camera, and uses the Wii-mote to control the camera. It’s an interesting addition but I need a little more from my Wii titles than basic pointer action. The multiplayer element seems tacked on as well. In a day and age where I can play through entire epic adventures with my friends, a handful of meaningless levels not even connected by any narration serve more as a disposable thirty minute experience than a meaningful teamwork exercise. Objective based deathmatch options are also present but forgettable.
"The multiplayer element seems tacked on"
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All in all, Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed seems better suited for the PSP offering which will hit shelves later this year. There is too much unrefined and disposable material here to be sold at a fifty dollar price point. If I have to play many more careless Wii ports, I may just begin to destroy all humans myself. | 
